Somewhere There's A Place For Us
by GrittyRe-boot
Summary: Futurefic: Finn Hudson is dying, that much is certain, and his final request for Rachel Berry is one that she can't possibly fulfill... or ignore. Finchel.
1. Prologue

She can't stop staring at that email, she must have read it 20 times, as if it would change somehow. What could Finn Hudson possibly want from her after five years? Five years. Had it really been that long? Had she stopped thinking about him for longer than a couple of hours at a time since? She knows that it isn't exactly healthy to think about her high school sweetheart as much as she does, especially considering how well things are going with Jesse. She knows that Jesse wonders about her sometimes, about whether she ever truly got over Finn. She'll never let him know the truth, she cares for him too much, but every so often she finds herself thinking about Finn, about what could have been, about what would have been if they had made different choices. It wasn't the type of thing she felt the need to rectify, she imagined everyone played the what if game once in awhile, she just wished she knew how to make it go away, how to make herself stop thinking about him so she could be truly happy for once. She had everything she ever wanted, a great life in New York, a promising career on the Broadway stage, a handsome, accomplished fiance, no real friends to distract her from reaching her myriad goals, no time to herself, no real connection to her family anymore, no Kurt, No Finn... Stop it Rachel she thinks to herself. This was what she wanted, what she always wanted and no lover could ever make her forget her one true love, performing onstage, when she was singing her heart out in front of a big audience it was the only time she ever felt something resembling contentment, it was her reason for living. But Finn Hudson, the same Finn Hudson who sent her this email telling her that he needs to see her, that it's important, that he has so many things to say and can only say them in person, Finn Hudson came so close, closer than any man ever did or could, and as content as she is on that stage, every once in awhile when the curtains drop she goes back to picturing Finn greeting her backstage with a bouquet of flowers and something inside her wants to cry a little.

She taps her fingers on her desk, deep in thought, should she respond? Should she ignore it and go on with her life? Should she immediately purchase the first round trip ticket she can get her hands on. She reads the letter again and knows her answer, she doesn't even bother to call before opening up the Expedia website. Jesse will understand, she'll say she wants to visit her dads, although they usually fly them out. Jesse couldn't have expected her to stay out of Ohio forever.

* * *

><p>"I just don't understand, why now? Why after all this time?" Jesse says as Rachel packs her suitcase later that day. "It's not anybody's birthday, nobody's getting married and your reunion's not for another five years, don't you want to wait until you've won a Tony to go back and rub your success in everyone's faces?"<p>

"It's not like going back to Lima means I can't be a New Yorker anymore, besides, that place isn't all bad memories, it would be really nice to see Kurt and Mr Schue and-

"Finn?" Jesse deduces slyly.

"I didn't say Finn," she replies, holding up her hands defensively.

"But you were thinking it," he continues. "Hey it's okay, it's normal to be curious."

"I'm not curious at all," she lies. "Not that running into Finn would be a bad thing, but it's not like I'm actively seeking him out or anything."

"Then why the sudden desire to go back to your dreaded hometown?"

"Well, why not?" She says, shrugging as she zips her suitcase. "I'm not doing a show at the moment, and you're going to be so busy this week with rehearsals, I just think now is as good a time as any."

"Okay," he says reluctantly, not looking entirely convinced. "Bring me back a T-shirt, something along the lines of _Lima Ohio, where dreams go to die._"

She rolls her eyes in good humor, but she has to admit the words sting a little considering she was one of only five of her friends to get out of Lima, and the only one who managed to get out of Ohio altogether. She shakes off the feelings of guilt, once upon a time they all cheered her on, even Kurt. She wouldn't let herself feel badly about going after the dream they all wanted for her. She just hopes that they don't make her feel badly about it either. Besides, Finn wants to see her, he can't hold any ill will toward her anymore, he was more proud of her than anyone when she left. He doesn't hate her, he never did... Right?

* * *

><p>The flight took less than two hours, but it felt like years, she had never been more anxious in her entire life. How was it that giving a live performance in front of hundreds didn't faze her at all, but the very idea of seeing Finn Hudson again turned her knees into rubber and her hands into pools of sweat. She wipes her hands on her skirt as she waits for her dads. She considered asking Finn to pick her up, but she thought it might seem weird, they haven't talked for five years, to be in a car with him for an extended period would just be awkward. She greets her dads with a smile and a tight group hug, it had been three months since they last visited her in New York and it was clear in their faces how much they missed their daughter, she missed them too, so so much.<p>

"Dad, Daddy," She says brightly as she breaks the hug and takes them in.

"Oh, honey, you look beautiful," Hiram says.

"I'm loving this hair," Leroy chimes in, touching her collarbone grazing bob.

"Really," She says, "I went in for a trim and they took off like four inches, Jesse hates it."

"Jesse a schmuck," Hiram jokes. "How is that kid anyway?"

"He's great," she says. "He's been so busy with rehearsals though, Rent opens in three weeks."

"Good for him, you know I always knew-

"So, are we ready to go," Rachel says, interrupting. She doesn't mean to be brusque, but the truth is her nerves are on fire with anticipation and she can't wait any longer.

"Of course honey," let me get your bags, Leroy says taking her suitcase off her hands.

* * *

><p>She's not sure what has come over her, what inspired the silk blouse unbuttoned a little lower than necessary, the tight pencil skirt, the curl in her hair, the fuck me heels, the red lips. She's not trying to gloat in a 'you could have had me' kind of way, because the truth was she could have had him too, and she's certainly not trying to reignite some old flame, she could never do that to Jesse, and it would just be foolish to go down that road again, yet there she was, hiking up her bra on the Hudson-Hummel's front porch. She was a little shocked to read that he was still at home, she didn't judge or anything, but the last she heard he had started teaching autoshop at McKinley, that was almost two years ago, certainly he could have saved for an apartment by then. She shrugged it off as she finally got up the nerve to knock on the Hudson-Hummel's front door.<p>

"Who is it?" A voice she didn't recognize called from behind the door.

"R-Rachel Berry," She answers, not as confidently as she would have liked. She hears the woman from inside unlock the deadbolt and as she opens the door Rachel is noticeably confused, she has certainly never seen this woman before. She is a short, older woman, in about her mid-fifties with a husky build and a pleasant face, but what really throws Rachel off are the scrubs that she's wearing.

"Um I'm sorry, did the Hudson-Hummels move?" Rachel says confusedly.

"Oh no, they've just stepped out for a bit, but Mr. Hudson's here, he's been waiting for you actually."

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude but who are you?"

"I'm Mr. Hudson's nurse, but I'm only here twice a week, he's still pretty strong all things considered."

She thinks she's misheard her at first, surely she means Mr. Hummel's nurse, maybe Burt is having heart problems again, not that she would wish anything bad on Burt, but it couldn't be Finn, he was a 23 year old former athlete, why would he need a nurse?

"Wait you don't mean..."

"I'm sorry, bad habit, he always tells me to call him Finn," the nurse says, confirming her fears right then and there.

"Was Finn injured?" Rachel says, hoping that Finn's need for an in-home nurse was just an overreaction on his family's part.

"Oh poor dear, you haven't heard, I thought for sure he would have told you..."

"Told me what?" Rachel says, coming off as more angry and panicked than intended.

"Why don't I just take you to his room," she says darkly, and without any more words Rachel follows behind her, her palms still sweaty, her heart still hammering in her chest, until they reach Finn's room. Her breath seizes as they enter together, and as she sees him for the first time in five years. He's standing at his window, most likely looking down at her dad's car that she borrowed to come. She only sees him from behind, but she can tell at first glance that he's lost a lot of weight, his clothes are hanging on him and his shoulder blades are jutting out from the back, surely it's not Finn standing at the window, looking down at her dads car. But as he turns to face her, the blood runs cold in her veins and tears spring to her eyes. His eyebrows are gone, and she can't immediately tell by the skull cap he's wearing but she's pretty sure his hair is gone too, his already fair skin has faded to even paler, and his warm amber eyes are ringed with dark circles. It's him, it's undoubtedly him, she'd know those eyes anywhere, and that smile, he's smiling at her now as if nothing is different and she can't smile back because tears are still gathering in her eyes and it's taking all of her effort not to let them fall.

"Finn," she finally manages to choke out.

"Rachel," he replies, almost cheerfully even though his voice is noticeably weaker. "Oh my god, you look beautiful."

"Finn, what's going on here?" she says, her voice shaky and panicked. "What's happened to you"?

"I'll leave you two alone," the nurse says, ducking out.

"Thanks Trish," Finn says, as she nervously leaves.

"So, it's been a long time huh?" Finn says traipsing toward her slowly, but he stops short as he notices her tears. "Rachel, please don't cry you know I hate seeing you cry, I always have."

"You have...

"It's called a heart neuroblastoma," he says answering her question before she can finish asking it, putting a hand over his chest as he talks. "That's what the doctor said, as if just calling it cancer wasn't scary enough."

"Finn I don't understand this... how... I mean," she can't finish her thought, she can't even comprehend what she's thinking, it's just all wrong, this wasn't how this was supposed to go, to tell the truth she didn't know what to expect from seeing Finn again, but it certainly wasn't this.

"Look, I'm sorry I know I should have told you in the email but...

"Then why didn't you?" she says tearfully. "How could you keep this from me Finn? How could you just not tell me you were... I mean, are you?"

"Dying?" he guesses, and she simply nods.

"They stopped treatments, they're giving me a month," he continues carefully.

And at the words she collapses onto his bed, trying to hold herself together, trying to make sense of everything that has happened, and he sits beside her and tentatively places a hand on her shoulder. "Relax Rachel, breath," he says, moving his free hand in a soothing circle.

"How can you tell me to relax? How can you be so calm about this?" she says, still sobbing.

"Because I've had time," he reasons. "I cried and stuff too at first but now it's just something I've had to accept. It's going to happen whether I cry about it or not."

"But there has to be a way," she says frantically. "I mean, all of the advances in medical science..."

"Are the reason I've held on this long," he finishes. "The surgery and treatments were mostly just to buy me more time."

And she completely dissolves at that point, taking him by surprise as she wraps her arms around his shoulders and cries into his chest, realizing her mistake almost immediately.

"I'm sorry," she says breaking away from him and putting her hand over her mouth frantically. "I didn't..."

"It's okay, you can hug me, it's okay," he says, giving her a weak half smile, so she does, and he strokes her hair the way he used to as she cries, but instead of soothing her it only makes things more painful. As she holds him she notices how frail he's become, she can feel his bones beneath his thin shirt, strong, solid, huggable Finn, reduced to a bag of bones, this just wasn't right, none of this was right.

"I wondered why you wanted to see me, I just didn't think it would be like this," she says, still crying into his chest. "I'm so sorry Finn, I'm so sorry I didn't come home sooner."

"You had no way of knowing, I didn't tell you because... well, I don't know, I guess I just couldn't."

"Is this why you defriended me on facebook?" she says. and he chuckles a little.

"I'm sorry about that by the way."

"It's okay," she says, still holding him, not wanting to let him go.

"Look, I didn't call you down here just to tell you this," he says.

And she breaks from him and wipes away her tears, looking deeply into his eyes, the only part of him still as vibrant and alive as before.

"What else did you want to tell me?" she says weakly.

He gives her a long look trying to get up the nerve to say what he has to say next, he then quietly exhales as he opens his mouth to speak. "Rachel, there's something I want you to do for me."

**And the angstaholic strikes again. The last time I wrote a story dealing with this subject matter (cancer) it ended in a pretty happy place, just a warning, this story will not. Yes, I am going to kill Finn, and it has nothing to do with how I feel about the character, he is my absolute favorite and always will be, but I have to kill him this time. The reason I'm telling you this now is firstly so you'll be ready for it when it happens and secondly because this story isn't about the suspense of whether he'll die or not, like Broken was in a lot of ways, it's about how he makes his last days count, and if you can bear it I think you'll end up really liking where I end up going with this. I kind of feel bad for writing this and Finn, Interrupted at the same time though. I promise I won't be such a freaking downer next time.**


	2. My Number One

**For any of you currently reading Finn, Interrupted I'm not ignoring that story, I'm simply a bit blocked on the current chapter, which happens at least once with every single multi-chapter fic I write, I'll try not to keep you waiting too much longer.**

She wipes her tears with the back of her hand, straightens up and tries to breath, tries to stay calm and not sob uncontrollably in Finn's arms, or cry for him not to leave, or beg him to fight. She can tell by looking at him, he's stopped fighting, he's accepted it, he's made peace with it and she can't understand why, she can't understand why she can be such a mess and he can be so calm. She feels so much at once, anger, shock, depression, fear, and most potently of all, guilt, so much guilt. If only she would have tried harder to keep him in her life, if only she would have went home every once in awhile, or sent him tickets to her first show, if only she would have said yes to begin with. She had her reasons for turning him down, it wasn't because she didn't love him, it wasn't even because she didn't want to be with him, she did, but she had a plan and that plan didn't include getting married at 18. Now being in the withered presence man she loved, the man she never stopped loving for an instant, she can't help but want to go back in time and strangle 18 year old Rachel for being so stupid. Whatever future she ever could have had with Finn is gone now, and any time they could have spent together after graduation has been lost. But still, there is something he needs her to do for him, it's why she's here in the first place and whatever she can do for him in his last days, she'll find a way to do it. She owes him that much.

"What do you need Finn?" she finally manages to choke out, and suddenly he looks nervous, she wonders what he could possibly be nervous about, what exactly does he have up his sleeve?

"Have you heard of the bucket list?" He starts. "Not the movie, the thing," he clarifies unnecessarily, and she nods.

"Well when I was first diagnosed the doctor told me that I had about a five percent chance," Finn starts. "Naturally I went into a pretty deep depression, I wouldn't leave the house even though I felt fine most of the time. And Kurt, he wanted to try to help me feel better any way he could, so he dug up this school project I'd done senior year in my creative writing class, my teacher made all of us write a bucket list, all of the things we wanted to do before we died." She nods, hanging on to his every word, wondering all the while where she comes in.

"One day when I was in bed wallowing, Kurt came and found me and he had the list in his had and he said, 'get up Finn, today we're going to check off one thing from your list.' I was so angry, I cried and I yelled at him, I told him to stay out of my life, that he could never understand, but he wouldn't let up, he just kept pushing and pushing until finally, just to get rid of him, I agreed."

"What did you do?" Rachel asked quietly.

"Number 37, travel to a foreign country."

"You went to a foreign country, that same day?" Rachel says in disbelief.

"Kurt said that Canada counted so we drove there together," Finn explains. "And he was so annoying, he sang the whole way and kept nudging me to get me to sing along, and I just wouldn't budge, but then we got to Toronto and something happened."

"What?"

"I had the best day ever," he says fondly, "we saw all of the sights, went to this really cool rooftop concert, ate at this awesome restaurant where all of the hockey players eat..."

"I thought you hated hockey," she says, not entirely sure why.

"I do, we mostly made fun of their haircuts behind their backs" Finn says proudly. "Anyway, on the drive home, I sang, like I actually sang the way I used to, he didn't have to nag me or anything, I just did it. It was to this CD we bought at the concert, it was a band we'd never heard before that night and we didn't know any of the words but we didn't care. We were just... happy. For the first time in weeks I had forgotten that I was sick."

"That's so great," she says sincerely, her voice still broken. "What else did you do, from your list I mean."

"Everything," Finn says with a small smile, over the next few months when I wasn't sick from treatments we crossed everything off of my list, one by one, even the really dumb stuff like number 42, finish Pastasaurus the five pound pasta bowl at breadstix."

"That's not stupid," she reassures him.

"Actually it was, I puked for like five straight minutes afterwards," he says, chuckling, and she laughs too, in spite of herself.

"You really checked everything off of your list?' She says.

"Except one thing," he says, looking at her seriously, and she knows that this is what he meant when he said he needed her help. One of the things on Finn's Bucket list was something only she could help him with.

"What was the last thing?" she asks. "Did you want to sing on a Broadway stage? Because I could make that happen."

"No, I mean I would but it wasn't on the list."

"Did you want to meet a movie star? I don't know any big ones personally but I did have a supporting role in a play starring Josh Gadd last year, he's sort of a movie star if you squint."

"Well, meet a movie star was on the list but I crossed that out when I saw Steven Seagal at Disneyworld three years ago."

"So what is it that you wanted my help with?"

"Number one," he says carefully.

"Well it's completely unacceptable not to complete your number one," She says. "I would be honored to help you, just name it Finn." there are still tears in her throat, but she speaks with all of the conviction she can muster.

"Well... and remember I was in high school when I wrote this," he starts.

"I'll do anything, just name it."

"Okay," Finn says, readying himself. "My number one was to..."

He trails off again, clearly trying to find the words, what could it possibly be that was so hard for him to spit out? She leans in a little, silently urging him on until finally he opens his mouth again to speak.

"My number one was to marry Rachel."

Her eyes go wide in shock at the declaration, and she has to look away from him because she's never felt worse. She told him anything, that she would do anything for him, but there's no way she can do that, not with a fiance back home, even kissing another guy was off limits.

"But _I'm_ Rachel," she says dumbly, pointing to herself.

"I know it's crazy and I totally understand if you say no, I just had to ask, I just thought if maybe you were single-

"That's the only thing, I'm kind of the opposite of single."

"Oh," he says, his face falling in the most heartbreaking of ways. "Of course you'd have someone, I mean, it would be ridiculous to think that you would still be unattached after all this time."

"I'm sorry, I really want to help you Finn but Jesse he-

She stops herself one beat too late, she wasn't planning on telling him that, how could she after he had essentially proposed to her a second time, only to get rejected a second time while he happens to be dying of a malignant heart tumor?

"Please tell me you met another guy named Jesse in New York," he says, and she only feels worse, should she lie? What does she have to lose by lying? Nothing really, yet there's something utterly heartbreaking about the fact that she can lie to Finn because he won't live long enough to find out the truth.

"He moved to New York a year and a half ago," she explains. "He needed a place to stay and I needed a roommate so he moved in and we became... closer. But I promise Finn he's not the same guy he was in high school, he's changed, he's matured."

"I'm happy for you," he says, cutting her off, looking the very opposite of happy for her.

"Are you really?" She says.

"Of course," he says unconvincingly. "You deserve to be happy Rachel."

_I'm not happy,_ she thinks to herself, _I'm miserable because in a month you'll no longer be a part of the world. I'll have Jesse, brilliant, intelligent, sohisticated determined Jesse, and we'll get married and have Broadway babies because that's what everyone expects, but my heart will still be in pieces._

"Is it serious?" Finn says.

"Well, we became engaged last month," she says hesitantly. "It was something we had been thinking about and we ultimately decided that it just made sense. I mean, we want all of the same things and we care for each other, and you know we're comfortable with each other, and it just made sense you know?"

"You said that already," Finn says.

"Look, this isn't about me okay," she says, not wanting to talk about Jesse anymore. "Just please tell me what I can do, anything at all that I can do barring marriage, I'll do. I just... I don't want things to end this way Finn. I want to be here for you though this."

"You don't have to be Rachel, it's okay. It was stupid for me to even ask."

"It wasn't stupid!" she snaps, almost yelling, scaring him a little. And she starts to cry again.

"Hey hey hey," he says rubbing her back in wide circles as she weeps bitterly. "It's okay, you don't have to worry about me, I'm happy Rachel, I really am. I'm at peace with this."

"No you aren't," she sobs. "You don't even get to check off your number one and it's all my fault."

"How many people actually get to do everything they've ever wanted in life before they die? I don't have to have everything. I'm happy with the choices I've made, I'm happy with the life I've led. And it wasn't fair for me to ask you this. I'm sorry Rachel."

"Don't apologize," she says, pulling him into her embrace again.

"But I really am sorry, you shouldn't marry someone because you feel sorry for them, you should do it because you love them," he says, hugging her back.

"I could never feel sorry for you Finn," She says. _And I still love you more than life itself_, she thinks silently.

"Thank you for coming to see me," he says as she releases him. "It's so great to see you again Rachel."

"It's great to see you too," she says, not bothering to wipe at her tears anymore, he takes the liberty instead, wiping her wet cheek with his thumb and making her fall ever deeper in love with him with that simple gesture, it's true, it's depressingly, achingly true, not only did she never stop loving him, she never stopped being _in love_ with him, and now it's too late to do anything about it.

* * *

><p>The rest of the visit doesn't last long, but he says he wants to see her again before she leaves and she agrees, he can still go out provided he doesn't overexert himself, so they agree to a movie the next day. she cries the entire drive back to her dads, she can't stop the tears. She wishes that there was something she could do for him, something to show how much she still cares, but he has no reason to believe she ever cared about him. She chose her career over him, she left him in Lima to rot and she got engaged to Jesse St. James of all people. He knows only those things, nothing about all of the letters to him that she started but couldn't manage to finish, nothing about all of the times she wanted to call but chickened out, nothing about all of the times she grilled her dads about what he was up to when they came to visit, trying and failing to be subtle, nothing about how still sometimes pictures his face when she's making love to Jesse. He doesn't know about any of that, and he never will. She's glad that her dads are out when she returns, she doesn't want them to see her cry, and as she takes out her phone and begins to dial her fiance's cell she hopes she can pull herself together long enough to get through the conversation.<p>

"Hello lovely," he answers after one ring.

"Hi Jesse," she says quietly, trying to hide the fact that her voice is hoarse from sobbing.

"Are you okay? You sound different."

"I'm fine," she lies. "But I think I want to stay longer than we talked about."

"Okay, any reason why?" he asks suspiciously.

"It's just I didn't realize how much I missed everyone," she continues trying to keep up a brave front. "But I promise I'll be back for your play."

"Wait just a minute, you're staying in Lima? Lima Ohio? For three weeks?"

"I lived here for 17 years Jesse, I think I can handle it."

"But... it's Lima," he says as if it's a bad word.

"Jesse you're going to be so busy you won't even miss me."

"Are you sure there isn't something else going on? I mean, three weeks just seems like an awful long time.

"I wish it were," she says involuntarily under her breath, her mind once again drifting to Finn and the threat of one month to live.

"What did you say?"

"I said I'll miss you," she replies, covering her slip.

"I'll miss you too, have fun I guess" he says, still clearly confused. At that she presses end on her phone and drops to her knees, her face buried in her hands.

**Stay Tuned Folks**


	3. Old Friends

**A/N I am incredibly happy for Burt Hummel and family, but I unfortunately did not begin this story thinking that he was going to win the election (I thought it was going to be the pizza guy, glad it's not), so I suppose you can consider this story to be slightly AU now, and really, don't all fanfics exist in their own universe anyway?**

She has to talk to someone, anyone who can make some sense of this. She doesn't understand why she feels this way, like she can't take it, like her heart has been shattered into a million pieces in an instant, and not even in a figurative way, her chest hurts, and she feels like she can't breath. She's been on the floor for a good half hour, sobbing and rocking back and forth, wishing that it would stop hurting. It's true, her heart is broken. But it shouldn't be, it's Finn who is going through this, not her, she hasn't been a part of his life for years and she almost feels guilty for being such a wreck, but she can't make it stop. She takes a deep breath, steadying herself just long enough to get her phone out of her pocket, she hopes that Kurt has the same number as the last time she called him. She dials the phone and places it up to her ear, trying to keep her hand from shaking.

"Kurt Hummel," he answers, and she should say _hi, it's Rachel_ or something along those lines, intsead she breaks down again, crying into the phone and muttering nonsense.

"Rachel, is that you?"

"Kurt I need to talk to you," she says, finally speaking clearly. "I need to talk about Finn."

"Oh Rachel," Kurt says, surprisingly sympathetic. "When did you find out?"

"Today, I just need you to come over. I'm in town, I'm at my dads." she explains.

"I'll be right there, can Blaine come too? He's in the car with me."

"Yeah, it would be nice to see him," she says.

They take about fifteen minutes to knock on her door and when she opens it their faces immediately fall at her appearance, she knows she must look awful, her eyes puffy and bloodshot, her skin red and splotchy, her makeup cried away.

"I guess I don't need to ask how you're holding up," Kurt says.

"Come in, I made tea," she says sadly and they follow her and take a seat at the counter.

"I know this must be hard on you," Kurt says, reaching out for Rachel's hand. "I know you and my brother were very close once."

She nods and wipes at her tears.

"Rachel I know this must be hard to believe but Finn is in a very good place right now," Blaine says.

"He's dying Blaine, how is that a good place?" She protests. "And I don't understand how I'm just now hearing about this."

"Because Rachel, I mean, you were in New York, you had your own life and, you know, people just grow apart. We've only communicated on Facebook for the past five years. I just didn't think that 'my brother is dying' was a very appropriate status update."

"So were you punishing me for leaving, is that it?"

"What? No, of course not," Kurt says, squeezing her hand, and he's tearing up now too. "We both know that I would have killed you if you would have stayed in Lima when you didn't have to."

"You didn't have to, Finn didn't have to," She says, dissolving again. "If I would have just said yes we would have had five years together..."

"Rachel what is this really about honey?" Blaine says.

"It wasn't over for me and Finn, it was never over." she says. "I was just too stubborn and stupid to make the first move and now it's too late, that's what this is about Blaine."

"Oh my god, Rachel are you serious?" Kurt says.

"It's always been him," she says. "I guess I was just waiting for it to work itself out again the way it always does, but that never happened and it never will now."

"But you're engaged," Kurt says.

"I know, I know. And I care about Jesse a great deal and I hate myself for feeling this way, but I do. I just can't not."

"Look Rachel," Kurt says seriously. "You love Jesse, you're marrying Jesse, you're just feeling this way now because you're guilty and sad about Finn, that's all it is."

"I just wish that things could be different," she says quietly.

"We all do Rach," Kurt says and he pulls her into his embrace and kisses the top of her head lightly. "We wish you were here under better circumstances, but still, it's great to see you."

"Yeah, and you're going to be okay," Blaine says, squeezing Rachel's shoulder. "We're all going to miss Finn, but we need to embrace the fact that he's here now. It's all we have."

"Yeah, I heard about what you did, with the bucket list, that was beautiful Kurt."

"Well if anyone deserves to accomplish all of his feasible goals then it's him," Kurt replies.

"I just wish I could have helped him with his number one."

"It's okay Rachel, we cheated on a lot of them anyway," Blaine says.

"What do you mean?" Rachel says, knitting her brow in confusion.

"Well number 2 or 9 wouldn't have been doable in the amount of time we had," Kurt says.

"What were number 2 and 9?"

"Number 9 was play a game of foosball with Tom Brady, luckily Mr. Brady from the Lima VFW's first name is Thomas."

"Pretty sneaky Kurt," Rachel says, smiling in spite of herself. "What was number 2?"

And his face becomes sad at the question. "Well it was..."

"What?" She says, egging him on.

"Have kids," Blaine says finishing Kurt's sentence.

"Oh," she says, understanding, and that pain in her chest returns when she realizes that is something he'll never be able to do, and she once again feels like she's going to cry. "How did you cheat with that one?"

"We bought him two baby goats," Blaine says. "I thought it was silly but Finn seemed to like it. They're still in his parents backyard."

"But what about number one? Couldn't he have just found another girl named Rachel to marry then get it annulled right after? I mean you can find people on Craigslist who will do pretty much anything."

"Kurt actually suggested that but he refused," Blaine says.

"Why?" Rachel asks.

"He said it had to be you," Kurt explains.

She simply nods and swallows the lump in her throat.

"Rachel it's okay, I'm sure he understands," Kurt says.

"Yeah," Rachel replies unconvincingly. "I hope he does."

* * *

><p>She almost doesn't go, she almost calls him up with a lame excuse, because after the conversation with Kurt and Blaine the day before she doesn't think she can handle this, but she decides to go when she realizes that not seeing him today would be ten times more painful than seeing him ever could be, so she sucks it up and goes. His mother answers the door this time and greets her with a hug.<p>

"Hi Carole," Rachel says as brightly as she can manage.

"Oh Rachel it's so good to see you honey," Carole says. "I feel like it's been forever."

"It's been way too long," Rachel agrees.

"Well Finn is in the back with Puck, if you wanted to go see him."

"Noah is here?"

"He comes by a few times a week when he's not busy at the restaurant," she continues as Rachel enters the house.

"So are you sure it's okay that I steal Finn for a couple of hours?" Rachel says.

"Of course, we want Finn's last days to be as happy and normal as possible," Rachel can tell that she's trying to be brave, just like Finn is, just like they all are, but Rachel knows better, this is killing her. She hugs Carole again, just because she can't find the words.

"I promise we won't be gone long," Rachel says as she breaks the hug.

"Just have a good time okay," Carole says and she turns away quickly, most likely to hide the tears in her eyes. Rachel continues down the hallway to Finn's room and she immediately perks up at the sound of button mashing and her old friend's voice, her old friend's voice saying her name.

"...seeing as you're involved with Rachel again-"

"We're not involved Puck, I'm just..."

"Just what, a masochist?"

"I'm just trying to spend my time the way that makes sense for me, and it just didn't make sense leaving her out. She was such a big part of my life for so long, there was a time I thought I was going to marry her, it just feels wrong to leave things the way they were."

"Bullshit, dude," Puck says.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's all over your face, you're in love with her and you're just too big of a pussy to admit it, what's worse is that you have literally nothing to lose. And to top it all off you have the best pickup line ever conceived at your disposal and you're not even going to use it?"

"How is 'I'm dying' a pick up line?"

"I may be a one woman man nowadays but I still use it to get the ladies to buy me drinks, why do you think I shaved my mohawk?"

"Because Quinn made you."

"Dude, shut up."

"Even if I did still feel that way about Rachel, it doesn't matter, she's engaged, I can't steal her away knowing that I'm not even going to be here, it's not fair to her. All I can hope for is just being her friend again for awhile."

"Well you're a better man then me, and that's why I just killed you." Puck says as he wins the game. "Alright dude, I gotta take off."

"Later man," Finn replies. Rachel's not sure whether to move away from the door or not, pretend she wasn't listening but she doesn't have the time as Puck appears through the door in an instant.

"Speak of the Jewish devil, hows it going Berry?" Puck says with a warm smile.

"I didn't hear anything," she says frantically. "I mean, Carole told me you were here, it's great seeing you again Noah," she says silencing any questions he might have with a tight hug.

"Well I'd love to catch up but I'm going to be late for my shift, this is when the afternoon drunks start pouring in, see you later Berry," he says, leaving her with a gentle squeeze on her shoulder.

"Hey Rach," Finn says brightly as she enters.

"Hi, you look good today," She says nervously, and he does, he looks happy, still skinny and pale and weak, but happy, and she can't help but think based on that conversation with Puck that he's happy because he's seeing her.

"So are we ready to go?" he says, tossing his controller aside and standing up from his bed.

She smiles weakly and takes his arm, her Finn, her love. It wasn't so long ago that she thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with him, now it breaks her heart just to be near him, but she's here now and she's not going to waste a moment.

**Stay tuned folks!**


	4. Gwen Stacy

He falls asleep at the movies, halfway through she feels the weight of his head on her shoulder, and she fears the worst, looking over at him to make sure he's still breathing. When she confirms it she decides to let him sleep. He's disappointed when he wakes up and realizes he's missed it, he's wanted to see _Spiderman: Reckoning_ for weeks. She decides to stay for the next show so he can see the whole thing, and he stays awake the whole time. Afterward they talk about the movie, how Andrew Garfield is a better Spidey than Tobey Maguire ever was and how sad it was when Gwen Stacy died in the last movie. Finn agrees that it's sad but it's good that he at least has MJ now. Rachel argues that Gwen was his first love and that Peter will never truly be over her. She wonders if he knows she's not just talking about the movie anymore. She figures he doesn't because he goes on to say that the actress they picked to play MJ was a vast improvement over Kirsten Dunst, she agrees and they leave it at that.

They go out for pancakes after, pancakes for dinner, Finn's favorite. He only eats half, she remembers the days when Finn wouldn't leave a drop of syrup on his plate and still have enough room left to attack the rest of her meal. She longs for those days. But in spite of everything she has fun, they talk and laugh and reminisce and a few times she even forgets that he's sick, it's a bitter realization that comes back to kick her in the gut every so often and she goes silent until he says something cute or funny and reminds her of the days they used to be so happy and in love. They don't want to say goodnight at the end of it so they go back to his place. Carole seems concerned that they were out so late, but she doesn't give him too much grief about it, she knows that he's an adult. Burt is there too and Rachel can see the sadness in his eyes and it breaks her heart. They head for bed and Rachel and Finn go to his room to watch a DVD. He lets her pick since he got to pick the movie at the theater, she chooses_ Notting Hill_, she wants to watch something with a happy ending, one that Finn will never have. As far as romantic comedies go Finn has always considered it to be one of the more tolerable of the bunch, the crazy roommate always makes him laugh.

They sit next to each other on his bed so they can both have a clear view of the screen and by the end of it he's fallen asleep again. She looks over at him and a smile reaches her lips, he looks so sweet and peaceful, she always used to love watching him sleep, he makes that small purring noise the way he used to and she smiles ever wider. She shuts off the TV and tries not to shift her weight too much when she pulls his blanket up over his chest.

"Goodnight Finn," she whispers, and without a thought she leans in and presses a soft kiss to his cheek and touches his bald head, a bit of prickly hair has started to grow back and it feels like peach fuzz. She then kisses the top of his head, softly, lightly and starts to get up, but he begins to move a little in his sleep and she stills. He murmurs something unintelligible and tears start to prickle in her eyes again as she smiles down on him, and she touches his lips, they feel the same, soft and warm on her fingertips, and knowing that she shouldn't knowing that it's stupid and wrong she touches his lips with hers.

"What are you going?" he says sleepily into her mouth.

"I-I was just making sure you were warm enough," she says nervously, pulling up his blanket more.

"Oh," he says, his eyes still closed. "I had a really great time tonight."

"Me too," she says, her voice breaking.

"I love you Rachel," he says drowsily, and she wonders if he knows what he's saying, but she doesn't care, just to hear it makes her feel so much at once, and any self control she was able to hold on to goes right out the window.

"I love you too," she says and she kisses him again, harder this time, waking him immediately.

He breaks the kiss, pushing her away gently, "Rachel, wha-

"Shh, it's okay Finn," she says before cupping the back of his head and bringing his lips to hers again, and she climbs on his lap, straddling him but trying not to put too much weight on his frail body. She can taste her own tears and she knows that he tastes them too as he kisses her. His mouth tastes different, a bit mediciney but not unpleasant as she searches it with her tongue.

"Rachel stop," he says, breaking the kiss again. "Jesse, he-

"Has nothing to do with this," she says tearfully as she peppers his face with kisses, kissing his chin and his jaw and his hollow cheekbones as she removes her cardigan.

"We can't do this."

"Why?' She says against his mouth as she cups his face and kisses him.

"Because, me being sick doesn't give you a free pass to cheat on your fiance Rachel."

"Is that what you think this is?" she says, finally breaking away from him.

"I think you're upset and you're not thinking about what you're doing right now," Finn clarifies. "I'm not going to let you do something you regret in the morning because you feel sorry for me."

"God Finn you don't get it do you?" She says angrily. "I'm not thinking about making _you_ feel better right now."

"Then what are you thinking Rachel?"

"That I can't take this!" She snaps. "I don't know how to do this, I don't know how to be okay about this. I look at you and it breaks my heart Finn and I can't handle it, I've tried and I can't."

"Rachel it's okay."

"I really wish you would just stop saying that!" she sobs. "I don't know if this will make anything better I just know that I need to be close to you right now. And if that makes me a bad person than I don't fucking care! I don't even care if he finds out about this and breaks up with me, I don't care about karma, I don't care about pissing off the universe because the universe is taking you away from me. The universe can go fuck itself Finn."

"Shh, come here," he says wrapping her up in his arms and pulling her close, letting her cry in his arms. "I don't think I've ever heard you swear this much," he says, making her laugh a little through her tears.

"Finn please," she cries as she looks at him again. "Can you please just let this happen?"

"Are you sure?"

She nods, "Please, just kiss me," so he does, he kisses her mouth and kisses her neck and holds her tightly to him, breaking away only long enough to remove his shirt, and she removes hers and they collide once again, kissing and touching one another as if nothing at all has changed in five years.

"I have to tell you something," she whispers into his ear as she runs her hands over his fuzzy scalp.

"What?"

"All those years, I never stopped loving you."

"Neither did I," he says before attacking her lips with his again. She lowers him down on the bed then and rises up to look down at him. He's so thin now, scarily so, but he's her Finn and everything about him is perfect and beautiful. She lightly runs her hands along the grooves of his visible ribs and down the long scar in the middle of his chest where they tried to fix his heart.

"I don't feel badly about this Finn," she says as she touches him, and she lowers her body back onto his and caresses his mouth with hers as she reaches into his pants, touching him, fondling him, making him hard. His breath starts to speed up as she strokes him, and he tangles his hands into her hair, needing to hold onto something, needing to control himself. He lets out a quick grunt as she pulls her hand away and rises up off his hips to remove her panties from under her skirt, he hurries out of his own pants and slides into her in one quick move. She steadies herself getting used to the feeling of him inside of her again, he still fits her so perfectly. She braces herself putting her hands on his shoulders for leverage as she begins to move on top of him slowly, carefully.

"You can go faster" he sighs. "I can take it."

She obliges, moving faster and harder, letting him touch her all over as she makes love to him without regret, she knows that she should be thinking about Jesse, about how this will hurt him , but she can't think about anything but how right this feels. It's different with him now, she remembers when he used to be stronger, more energetic, but the tenderness and passion is still there, and she feels it everywhere, she feels him all around her.

He reaches around to her back to unhook her bra, freeing her breasts, she remembers their first time, how long it took him to get her out of it, how frustrated he became, now he gets it off in one fell swoop and kisses her as he touches the small curve of her breasts, she moans a bit and his lips move down from her lips over her neck and collarbone until finally his mouth is on one of her breasts and his hand is on the other making her sigh with pleasure. She bends down and her lips touch his head and he kisses and touches her and she continues to rock and grind against him, letting him fill her.

"Finn, you're so... oh god," she exclaims, as she comes, not sure what she's even saying, not caring.

"I missed you," he says with some struggle, his breathing is labored now and she knows he's about to come, it was perfect and emotional and everything she needed it to be, she just wishes it didn't have to end, that they could stay like this forever, in their own private world with no pain and no fear, where nobody has to die.

He empties into her then and they collapse together onto his bed. He's panting hard, harder than usual after they make love to one another, and his face looks pained, his eyes are squeezed shut and he's holding onto her like a vice.

"Finn, are you okay? Is it your heart?" she says, placing her hand over his chest, and he nods. "I'm okay," he assures her. "It'll pass."

"Are you sure?" he nods again and kisses her. "I didn't even know that I could still do that," he continues, his mouth against her sweaty neck. "What happens now?"

She smiles and wraps her arms tightly around him. "We sleep."

They close their eyes then and drift off in each others arms, savoring that one perfect moment before everything falls apart.

**A/N: I was originally going to make Rachel's fiance an OC, but I decided instead to make it Jesse because I thought Finn would appreciate leaving him with one final fuck you before dying. I know that's kind of wrong and I don't even really have that much against Jesse, I've just always loved how much Finn hates him, although that's definitely not why he slept with her. Anyway, until next time...  
><strong>

**Stay Tuned Folks!**


	5. We Have Now

**I doubt this story is going to run very long, probably about three or four more chapters, I'll actually likely finish it before Finn, Interrupted. So luckily the torture will be short lived.**

The last time they fell asleep in each others arms like this it was the night before she left for NYADA the day they decided to end things between the two of them. She knows that it wouldn't have mattered in the long run, but she wishes she could go back, ask him to go to New York with her so they could go after their dreams together. Maybe she would have even found a way to keep him alive somehow, maybe she could have convinced him to fight. As Finn stirs beside her she snaps out of her wandering thoughts, moves in closer and kisses his shoulder lightly, gently waking him.

"Hi," he says groggily, giving her a small smile. "How did you sleep?"

"Shockingly well," she replies, pressing her face into the crook of his neck. "I haven't slept that well in a long time actually."

"Me neither," he agrees. "Last night was..." He trails off, looking at her seriously as if he's trying to find the words. "Even if nothing else happens between us, I just want you to know that last night meant everything to me."

She can't cry again, how many times has she cried in the last couple of days? She's lost count. She controls the urge and places her lips against his, kissing him like a lover should. "It meant everything to me too," she says honestly as she breaks the kiss. "Hey, do you want breakfast?"

"My mom usually brings it to me, I keep telling her not to-

"Oh my god," Rachel says, once again realizing were she is and who else is under this roof. "I completely forgot about your mother," she says scrambling out of bed.

"Rachel it's okay, I _am_ an adult," Finn assures her.

"I know but if she knows that we're sleeping together it's just going to get weird," she says, hurrying into her clothes

"Wait, _sleeping_ together, meaning this is something that's going to happen again?" Finn says as he shimmies into his boxers under the covers, and she can't be certain but she thinks he sounds hopeful.

She stops for a moment and gives him a contemplative look. "Well, do you want it to happen again?"

He pulls on his shirt and scoots toward the edge of the bed, reaching for her hand, and she places it in his and lets him pull her toward him, positioning herself between his knees.

"I think I do," he says. "I mean, I know that it's wrong but... I mean, it's _you_. I just don't know how to not want you."

She smiles a bit and cradles his head in her hands, kissing her way down his face until she reaches his lips. "Well, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

"What about Jesse?" he whispers into her mouth between kisses.

"I don't know," she says, shrugging as he closes his eyes and wraps his arms around her waist, pressing his face against her stomach. "I really don't know Finn. I mean, I care about him so much but..."

"You don't love him," Finn says bluntly as if the thought has just occurred to him

"What?" she says, backing away him a bit.

"You heard me," he says confidently. "You're always saying you care about him and he means a lot to you, and that you guys make sense, never that you love him, that's not even mentioning the fact that you made love to me last night. And to top it all off you're not even wearing an engagement ring."

"I told him not to buy me one, that it's a sexist representation of women as property."

"Rachel, when we dated you used to picture mail me shots of rings you liked from random places."

"I've changed Finn."

"No you haven't," He says standing up slowly. You're still the same stubborn, crazy, overly ambitious, beautiful, amazing girl I used to know."

She bites her lip, trying not to let her emotions consume her as she starts toward the door. "Finn I can't do this right now, your mom-"

"Probably won't be up for another hour, I usually sleep until ten. Rachel can you just talk to me for a second?" he interrupts, grabbing her wrist. "I'm worried about you."

"Why, why are you worried about me?" She says raising her voice a little.

"Because you're making a mistake, and I'm not going to be here, that's why."

"That's right, you're not going to be here," she says, her tears finally breaking free. "And anyone else is only going to be second best so why shouldn't I marry Jesse?"

"That's why you said yes isn't it? Because you thought it was over between us."

"I didn't want it to be over," She says, crying bitterly. "Just because I didn't want to be married at 18 didn't mean I didn't want to be with you, I wanted you with me, I wanted you in New York, why did everything have to be all or nothing for you?"

"Rachel, I was stupid okay, I was just so hurt by your rejection that I stopped fighting for you, and I shouldn't have, I should have fought for you..." And he's crying now too. "But I'm fighting for you now."

"Yeah, now that you're leaving me."

"I'm sorry," he says, taking her into his arms and stroking her hair. "I'm so sorry Rachel, I know that it isn't fair for me to tell you not to marry Jesse, but you deserve to be with someone who makes you happy."

"I can't be happy without you," she cries into his chest.

"I'm here now," He reassures her. "But when I'm gone I don't want you to give up on love."

"So what, you tell me not to marry Jesse but you don't want me to give up on love?"

"Yeah, because you don't love him," he repeats. "But you're going to find somebody amazing, because you deserve it, I believe that."

"I don't want to think about that right now," She says, hugging him tighter. "Look, you weren't the only one who was stupid okay, I should have fought for you too, I guess I just couldn't get over this fantasy I had of you showing up ay my door one day in New York with a bouquet of flowers, on your knees, begging for me to take you back. I would have in a heartbeat. But now it's too late"

"It's not too late," he assures her. "And it wasn't a fantasy," he continues, quietly and hesitantly.

"What?" she says, knitting her brow in confusion and looking up at him. He sighs and takes her hand, leading her to his bed so they can sit together.

"Rachel, last year after graduation, McKinley High offered me a job as their permanent shop teacher, and do you know what I did?"

"What?"

"I quit, right then and there, because all I could think about at that moment was how much I would be giving up," He says. "One second I was a substitute getting his degree and holding on to the last remaining scraps of his dreams and the next I'm expected to start settling down, making my life in Lima... without you. And I couldn't do that, I just had to give us one more shot."

"Finn, what are you talking about?"

"That night I just started packing, everything that I owned, I put it all in my truck and got in, I didn't tell anyone because I knew that they would try to talk me out of it. I just filled up my tank and drove, thinking 'what the hell am I doing?' But I couldn't stop because, I just needed to find you, I needed to get you back no matter what it took."

"But you didn't, you never came," She says tearfully.

"That's because right around the Pennsylvania state line I fell asleep behind the wheel and swerved off the road. By the time I woke up I was in the hospital and the doctor was saying something to me about needing to run some tests," he says, his voice pained.

"Oh my god, Finn I had no idea, I'm so sorry," she says, squeezing his hand.

"After that I just completely broke down, I gave up on everything, on you, on myself, everything... until the day Kurt forced me to go to Canada. Then I started to see things differently. Because even after doing everything I wanted to do in life all I could thing about was everything I still regretted."

"That's when you decided to contact me," she says as a statement rather than a question.

"I just realized that even if I only have now, I want to spend it with you. It's the only way I can die knowing that I lived my life the right way," He says. "It wasn't about the list, I would undo everything else if it meant that I could spend the rest of my life with you. The first time I proposed to you you thought it was because I was afraid of losing you, the second time you thought it was because of a list, but Rachel the truth is, the only reason I've ever asked you to marry me is because I love you."

"Oh my god," she says, shaking her head. "I can't believe this, I can't believe this is happening. Any of this."

"I know, neither can I."

"Finn," she says, not believing the words that are about to come out of her mouth, not believing everything that has just happened, but knowing completely that the only thing that matters right now is them. "Ask me again."

"Ask you what?" He says, knitting his brow in confusion.

"You know what," she says, her eyes widening, her voice breaking. "Ask me again Finn, please."

"Are you sure?" he says, understanding what she means.

"I'm sure," she says, nodding and smiling wide through her tears.

And he smiles now too, and takes her hands in his. "Rachel Berry, will you do me the honor of marrying me?"

"Yes," she says and she throws her arms around him and kisses him thoroughly. "Yes, I'll marry you."

**Stay Tuned Folks!**


	6. Blessings

**A new chapter of Finn, Interrupted should be posted either tonight or tomorrow so keep your eyes peeled for it.**

Their knees both bounce uncontrollably as they hold hands under the kitchen table, Burt, Carole and Kurt are both looking at them as if they know something big is about to happen, but they can't figure out what. Rachel was always better at breaking big news, she was the confident one, the one who laid everything on the line when it needed to be done. She decided it would be better just to come right out and say it.

"Finn and I have decided to get married," Rachel says bluntly, the response is only silence, about what she expected, but Rachel knows all too well that Finn doesn't do well with silence.

"I know it's sudden," Finn starts nervously. "But you have to believe that this is something that we've both wanted for a really long time, it just happens to be the first time we've both wanted it at the same time, and I'm not sure what changed but I'm pretty sure it had a lot to do with this really great talk we had after having sex last night-

"_Finn_," Rachel seethes.

"Sorry, making love," Finn corrects, and Rachel can't help but bite her lip to stifle a laugh. She really did miss him.

"Rachel, did you just happen to forget that you're supposed to be getting married to another man?" Kurt finally says while his parents remain in contemplative silence.

"Actually I've decided not to go through with it," Rachel says. "I love Finn, I always have and I think we can all agree that Jesse deserves a lot better than to commit his life to a person who's heart belongs to someone else."

"Finn can I talk to you alone for a sec," Kurt says standing up and dragging Finn behind him without waiting for protest, leaving Rachel alone with her worst nightmare.

"So," Rachel says to Burt and Carole as Kurt and Finn leave the room, her confidence waning by the moment. "I'm sure you have some questions."

"Yeah," Burt says, not angrily. "What's this really about Rachel?"

"I'm pretty curious myself," Carole adds.

"That's a fair question," she says. "You see Finn and I are..." she trails off, trying to find the words. "I in particular think that..."

"Honey?" Carole says, placing a gentle hand on Rachel's shoulder and she knows that she's a goner.

"Oh god!" Rachel exclaims, breaking out into hysterical sobs. "I'm going to miss him so much!"

"I know sweetie," Carole says rubbing Rachel's back and trying to keep her own tears at bay.

"This isn't fair, this is so unfair, why him?" Rachel says still crying as she takes the proffered Kleenex from Burt and blows her nose, "Why this? He's the best person in the whole world and now he's just broken and nobody can fix him and it's just so goddamn unfair."

"Rachel, I know you're a mess over this, we all are, but you can't abandon your life because of it," Burt says sympathetically.

"No you don't understand," she says, hyperventilating a little. "I screwed up, I screwed everything up and wasted five years that I could have spent with Finn. I can't do this anymore, I can't keep thinking about what's rational or what makes sense or my stupid plans. It's how I lost him in the first place."

"What do you mean?" Burt says.

"I wanted to marry him," Rachel said. "I did, when he gave me that ring all those years ago I wanted to jump up and down and cry and kiss him and scream yes over and over again, because it was him and the only one I ever wanted was him, and even if I wasn't really ready at the time I always knew that I would marry him someday, I just knew it, but there's not a someday anymore, there's only today and I can't be rational anymore. I can't do it, I can't go back to New York like this because if I go my whole life never having married Finn Hudson then I'm going to regret it until the day I die. I know that, and I know that I'm not making sense anymore but I just need you to say it's okay, I'm doing this whether you approve or not but it will just mean so much to me to know that you can accept us."

"Honey," Carole says tearfully. "Are you absolutely sure about this? Your fiance may never forgive you."

"And I'll never forgive myself if I don't do this," Rachel says

"Rachel," Burt says warmly, his voice breaking a bit. "There's no one I would want more for a stepdaughter in law than you."

"Me neither," Carole says squeezing Rachel's hand.

"Thank you, thank your for understanding," She says, dabbing her tears. "Now to tell my parents... not to mention Jesse. I don't even know where to begin with Jesse."

* * *

><p>"You can't do this to her Finn," Kurt says pacing the floor in front of Finn, they've been at this for awhile but Finn is determined to make him see it his way, "It isn't fair."<p>

"We love each other, and we both want this," Finn rationalizes.

"I can believe that you love each other, anybody who knows you two would see that, and if things were different you would have all of my blessings, but things aren't different Finn," Kurt's eyes are starting to tear up now as he pleads with Finn. "I understand that you want your last days to mean something, but Rachel will still be here when you're gone. She was fine, she was living her life and you had to screw everything up."

"So you think it would have been better if I just never told her?"

"Of course not, but Rachel is very vulnerable right now, and to take advantage of that and marry her knowing that you're not going to stick around is spectacularly unfair Finn."

"I know, I know all that alright," Finn says warily. "And I tried, I tried to just be happy for her, but I can't. If I thought for even a second that she was in love with him and happy then it would be different, but she doesn't love him Kurt."

"That's not up to you to decide."

"I didn't, she did."

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe she's just not thinking clearly right now? I know when I first found out about this I wasn't."

"So you think the only reason she agreed to this is because I'm dying?" Finn says, narrowing his eyes a bit.

Kurt sighs then and sinks down in the nearest chair. "Are we being honest?"

Finn hesitates for a moment and then nods once.

"No, I don't think that's why she agreed to marry you," Kurt says hesitantly. "I think Jesse was always a placeholder in your never ending drama. Rachel has been in love with you for as long as I've known her."

"And I've loved her back, every second of every day," Finn says, "So how can this be wrong?"

"Because, what's going to happen after Finn? Wouldn't it be easier for her to let you go if you kept your distance?"

"That's what I thought, after I found out that I was sick," Finn says. "It's why I waited so long to tell her this, but the more time passed the more I realized that keeping my distance would just mean more regret for the both of us. I know how I would feel if Rachel died before I had a chance to make things right between us, and if she loves me even a fraction as much as I love her than I know in my heart that it would be so much worse for her the other way."

"Finn, I just don't know about this," Kurt says softening a bit but still noticeably wary.

"What if it were Blaine?" Finn finally says, getting his attention. "The same situation, only it was Blaine that was dying. Would you want to make your last days together the best days of your life or would you want to keep your distance because you thought it would hurt less?"

Kurt sniffles a bit and wipes at his eye with the heel of his hand as he gets up from the chair, and Finn knows that he's convinced him. "Okay, what do you want me to do."

Finn half-smiles at his brother and wraps him in a tight hug. "Who else would I want as a best man, Kurt?"

"About that," Kurt says guiltily. "I just kind of made a promise to Rachel back in high school that I'd be her maid of honor in the event of your wedding, nothing personal," He continues, and Finn can't help but appreciate Kurt treating him normally.

"Sure, Santana it is," Finn says.

"God, I love how progressive we are," Kurt teases. "I love you big brother."

"I love you too," Finn says brokenly, pulling him in for a tight hug. "Come on, lets go save Rachel from our parents.

They reenter the kitchen and a smile reaches both of their lips as they see Rachel, Burt and Carole hugging it out.

"So, does this mean..."

"It means you have our blessing," Carole says, finishing Finn's sentence. And Finn marches up to Rachel and takes her into his arms, kissing her with passionate abandon.

"I still have the ring," Finn says as he breaks the kiss. "I never returned it, because I always knew that I would marry you one day."

At that he pulls out the ring bought with two months worth of tire store money from 2012, the one with the elegant silver band weaving through the center of a five pointed gold star, and her smile warms his damaged heart as he slips it onto her finger.

"I could probably afford a more expensive one now if-

She places a finger up to his lips, stopping him in his rambling. "Don't you dare," she says. "It's perfect."

* * *

><p>She knows that it's in poor taste to break up with someone over the phone, but she can't leave Finn for the time it will take to fly to New York and break up with Jesse the proper way. She hopes that he'll give her the chance to explain herself one day, but for now it's more important to make a clean break. As wrong as it was to sleep with Finn without breaking up with Jesse first, marrying him would easily be the worst thing she could do. But she knew in her heart that she couldn't go back to the way things were, so as she sits in the car outside her Fathers' house she takes a deep breath and dials.<p>

**Stay Tuned Folks!**


	7. Oh Happy Day

**Sorry for the wait, with my new job and holiday stuff going on my schedule been a little hectic, enjoy this chapter, the next update should be much quicker.**

"Jesse, there's something I have to tell you," she says, her voice surprisingly calm. "Something important, something really difficult."

"It can't be that important if you're doing it over the phone Rachel," Jesse says coolly.

"I'm sorry, I hate to do this this way, but..."

"Wait, Rachel are you breaking up with me?"

"Jesse, I did something, something really bad," She continues.

"What did you do?" he says darkly.

She shuts her eyes and counts backward silently, trying to build up the strength to say what she needs to say next. She then exhales slowly through her pursed lips and opens her eyes again, ready to say the words.

"Rachel, are you still there?"

"I'm here," she confirms.

"Just tell me what you did, I'm sure it's not that big of a de-

"I slept with Finn," she blurts, like ripping off a bandaid, and there's only silence on the other line then. "Jesse?" she says, making sure he hasn't hung up.

"I knew it," he says quietly. "God Rachel, you just never learn when it comes to him do you?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you," she says tearfully.

"You just didn't care if you did right?" he spits.

"No, it's not like that," she says, crying more now.

"What were you thinking Rachel? I mean, we live together, we have a life together and you tell me this? Does the last year mean nothing to you?"

"Of course it does, Jesse you're one of the best friends I could ever ask for-

"I'm not your friend Rachel, I'm your Fiancé ."

"Why do you want to marry me Jesse?" she says, trying to keep her voice from shaking. "Have you ever thought about that?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"It's a valid one," She replies. "What do you get out of our relationship?"

"I don't even know where to begin with that."

"Why is it so hard for you to answer the question?"

"Because you cheated on me," he says angrily. "So excuse me if I'm having trouble remembering why I wanted to marry you in the first place."

"It's not that." she says, shaking her head. "You love the idea of me Jesse, you don't love me."

"How could you say that I never loved you Rachel?"

"Tell me the truth," She says, pressing on. "If I couldn't sing or if I didn't have the same goals as you, or if I didn't know who Stephen Sondheim was would you still want to be with me?"

"You mean would I still want to be with you if you were a completely different person?"

"Jesse, those things that you like about me, they aren't who I am," she explains. "They're what I do."

"Why are you turning this around on me? I'm not the one who slept with someone else," He scoffs. "But I suppose it's fine because he understands you right?" he continues sarcastically.

"It's more complicated than that," she cries. "It's just, a lot has changed in not very much time at all and I'm just seeing things differently now, I'm seeing us differently."

"Look Rachel," he sighs. "I can get past you making a mistake with Finn, I just."

"It wasn't a mistake Jesse, that's what you're not getting," she cries, cutting him off.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I'm sorry that I hurt you, but the rest, I just..." she trails off and she wonders silently if she should tell him the whole truth, whether it would even make a difference if she did. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for hurting you but you're going to realize how much better off you are without me."

"You know what, I think you're right," he says. "I _am_ better off without you." and at that he hangs up the phone, leaving her in silence.

* * *

><p><strong>Two Days Later<strong>

It will be a small wedding, with only a few close friends and family, basically the exact opposite of the sort of wedding Rachel always dreamed of, Rachel Berry deserved better than city hall. If he had the time he would have given her everything, not just the perfect wedding, but the perfect life. As he struggles with his tie in the mirror his mind goes to that place again, that impossible fantasy where his doctor comes rushing in out of nowhere to let him know that there's been some sort of miracle, then he'll run in and tell Rachel and she'll jump into his arms and he'll spin her around and they'll go to New York together and get married the proper way, and raise a family and have the second chance they missed out on. He hates it when his mind goes to that place, when he allows himself to dream about things that can't happen. It fills him with so much more sadness and regret than thinking about dying ever could. He doesn't know whether it's the sudden onslaught of depression or his illness, but he feels weak on his feet. He grabs onto the counter, steadying himself, stilling, hoping to muster up the strength to get his damn tie on.

"Finn? Are you alright?" he turns his head toward the source of the voice and forces a weak smile at the sight of his best man. The last person he ever expected to become his closest friend after high school was Santana Lopez, but they got steadily closer after getting an off-campus residence with Puck and even moreso when Puck moved in with Quinn and left the two of them alone, and what was expected to become an instant bloodbath actually turned into a pretty meaningful friendship, he wasn't even sure what changed or when, but it probably started around the time he found her crying on the couch after Brittany broke up with her Junior year and they spent that whole night talking and eating Ben and Jerry's together, or maybe it was the time she forced him to take her to lesbian night at scandals and they both ended up hooking up, or maybe it was the time he spent a solid hour mediating when Brittany decided she wanted Santana back, or when she used her fledgling lawyer skills to get him a passing grade in history of engineering by badgering his professor for him senior year, whatever it was, Santana was the first girl besides his mom that he realized he could love in a completely nonsexual way, even when she went off to Pennsylvania for law school they stayed close, and now she was his best man, odd how much things changed with time.

"I told you not to call me that," he says, straightening up.

"That's your name isn't it?" she argues.

"Not as far as you're concerned, I told you I didn't want you to treat me any differently."

"Sorry," she says softly.

"Stop apologizing."

"Look Sasquatch why don't we get this over with so you can go back to terrorizing woodland creatures and eluding cryptozoologists in the forest?' she says snarkily walking up to him and getting to work on his tie.

"That's more like it," he says softly. "Thank you for coming, this wouldn't have been the same without you."

"I'd never leave my number one lesbro hanging," she says affectionately.

"Hey Santana, what the hell, you're not supposed to be in here," Puck says as he enters the bathroom.

"I'm the best man moron," she says, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, how did that happen anyway? I was available," Puck says.

"You're great dude, but you're not the best," Finn jokes.

"This is because of that sleeping with your girlfriend in high school thing isn't it?"

"Water under the bridge man," Finn says.

"By the way, I saw Rachel on the way over here, she looks beautiful man," Puck says. "I wish it didn't take you dying to finally stop being a pussy and reel her in, but still, I'm happy for you."

"Comments like that..."

"Are why I'm not your best man, got it." Puck says, finishing Finn's sentence. At that Finn turns back to Santana, noticing the tears that have started to gather in her eyes.

"San, are you okay?" Finn says, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah," she assures, blinking back her tears. "It's just... well, you know."

"Yeah," he says, taking his best friend into his arms for a hug. "I know"

* * *

><p>She was surprised at first when Jesse didn't call her back, she didn't know whether she was disappointed or just worried about him, because she really was, but not as worried as she was about Finn. She wondered what he fully meant when he said he only had a month left. Would his heart simply stop beating after his thirty days were up? Would he waste away slowly? She hated not knowing how it would happen, only that it would and there was nothing she could do, nothing she could do but make his last month on earth the best days of his life.<p>

"Honey, there's still time to back out, I'm sure that Finn will understand." Hiram says as Rachel evaluates her appearance in the mirror, the gauzy white dress she picked out with Kurt couldn't have been more perfect, she didn't care if she was entirely too overdressed for city hall, she wanted to look perfect for Finn, if only she could stop crying for ten seconds.

"And I'm sure if you told Jesse the truth he would take you back," Leroy adds.

"I'm not going to break Finn's heart in his last days dad." Rachel says. "And why are you so pro-Jesse all of a sudden? Weren't you the one who said I was marrying him for all of the wrong reasons?"

"And I suppose you're marrying Finn for the right ones?" Hiram says. "What if he wasn't sick?"

She knits her brow in disbelief and shoots her dad a look. "That's a terrible thing to say."

"Baby girl it's a legitimate question," Leroy says calmly. "What if Finn didn't have cancer?"

She tries to keep her bitter tears at bay at the notion, hoping not to have to reapply her makeup for the fourth time. "If Finn weren't dying then this really would be the happiest day of my life," she says brokenly. "The way it should be."

Hiram and Leroy both meet their daughters side and put their arms around her. "Okay baby girl, if this is really something you feel you have to do then you have our support," Leroy says before sweeping her loosely curled hair back and pressing a kiss to her temple.

"We think it's beautiful what you're doing for Finn sweetheart," Hiram says. "Granting his dying wish, it's like something out of a wonderfully depressing Nicolas Sparks book."

"Thank you guys," She says as the tears spill over, "But you should know that I'm not just doing this for Finn, I'm doing this for me too."

"We know honey," Hiram says softly.

"Rachel for God's sake," Kurt says, entering the girl's bathroom. "How many times am I going to have to fix your makeup?"

"How many times are you going to have to fix _yours_?" she shoots back, noticing that he's been crying too.

"I know, I'm hopeless. This is supposed to be a happy day," Kurt says, fanning his eyes.

She smiles at him warmly and thumbs away the tears from her Maid of honor's face. "It _is_ a happy day Kurt."

He smiles weakly and puts a gentle hand on her shoulder. "You know what, forget about the makeup," Kurt says. "You look beautiful just like this."

"Are you kidding? I'm a mess," she says, wiping at her own tears.

"Yeah, but it's real, it's how you feel, you should show it," Kurt says shrugging. "Weddings shouldn't be about fake smiles and emotions, they should be about love, and this is the face of a woman in love," he continues turning her face back toward the mirror. Her eyes are bloodshot and her face is splotchy, but she can't help but think that Kurt may be right, if she weren't so in love she wouldn't be so happy and so miserable at the same time. "Besides, in that dress nobody's going to be paying attention to your face."

"Okay," she says, laughing a little in spite of herself and linking arms with Kurt and Leroy as Hiram opens the door for them. "Time to go."

* * *

><p>She's amazed at how quickly she still lights up at the sight of him, even bald and skinny and pale he's still Finn, and he makes her weak in the knees every time, especially when he smiles goofily at her like he's doing right now as she meets him in the hallway in her white dress, with a bouquet of flowers in hand, her fathers and maid of honor at her side.<p>

"Rachel," he says in almost a whisper. "You are so beautiful."

She decides not to fight her tears, she takes Kurt's advice and lets them flow as she kisses him without words, deeply and passionately, wrapping her arms around his waist and letting him hold her. She doesn't want to let him go, ever.

"Hey, bride of Frankenstein, they're not going to hold your spot forever," Santana says, patting Rachel on the back.

She reluctantly pulls her lips away from his and takes his large hand in hers.

"So are you sure about this?" Finn says squeezing her hand a little.

"More than I've ever been about anything," she says smiling up at him through her tears. "Lets go get married."

**One (long) chapter plus an epilogue to go, stay tuned folks!**


	8. We've Only Just Begun

**Last chapter before the epilogue, I told you this would be short._  
><em>**

_It doesn't matter what they say_  
><em>You know I'm gonna love you any old way<em>  
><em>What can I do<em>  
><em>Without you?<em>  
><em>Don't want nobody, nobody...<em>  
><em>Baby, it's you<em>  
><em>Baby, it's you<em>

This isn't the reception Rachel ever expected to have, growing up she always pictured plaza hotel in June, surrounded by gargantuan flower arrangements and the finest china, and maybe when she was feeling even more optimistic than usual, Barbra serenading them onstage would come to mind. But as she dances close with her Finn, in her white dress, her head laying against his chest and her eyes closed as they sway gently to the sound of Santana's soulful crooning she couldn't care less how many flower arrangements there are in Burt and Carole's backyard. The wedding was everything she never knew she always wanted, romantic, emotional, simple and perfect, and Finn's self written vows brought tears to her eyes, especially since he could barely get through them without crying himself.

_...All my life I've wanted to find that one perfect thing that made me special, but now as I reach the end of my life I need you to know that it's you Rachel, you're what makes me special..._

She thinks about his words again and holds him closer, tighter and smiles as she feels his lips touch her head.

"Rachel I need to tell you something," he whispers into her hair.

"What is it?" she replies.

"This is the greatest night of my life."

"Mine too."

In spite of everything, it's a happy time. Everybody is dancing and smiling and just embracing the time they all have together. It's not unlike any other wedding reception, Finn dances with Carole and Rachel dances with Burt, and they all give their heartfelt speeches, even though Brittany has to get up to hug Santana so she can get through hers _...you truly are my best friend Finn Hudson, and everything is going to suck a lot more when you're gone, but for now I'm just so happy that you and Rachel found your way back to each other, because I know that your love will survive anything, even your dancing..._ and Blaine has to hold Kurt's hand so he can get through his _...not only are you the greatest brother a guy could ask for, you're the very best friend anyone can ask for, and I know that you'll be the best husband that Rachel could ever imagine, I raise my glass to my big brother and his wife, the unstoppable force of nature that is Rachel Berry Hudson and wish you all the happiness and love in the world..._ Considering the short amount of time spent planning, the turnout was rather impressive. People Rachel and Finn hadn't seen for years had come to celebrate Finn's life and their love, she hadn't realized how much she had missed her friends from glee until now, when they were all in the same room together, catching up with each other, sharing stories and cellphone pictures, and taking their turns to talk to Finn and tell him just how much he always meant to them all. It was awkward at first, with the knowledge of Finn's condition being the giant elephant in the room, but he put them at ease quickly with his unfailingly high spirit. To be honest she still worried about that a little, how he could still be so brave when she couldn't face the thought of his death with anything but sadness and dread, but she pushed those thoughts aside and decided to just be happy for one night, happy that Finn was happy.

He gets tired early, and as much as she wants to dance with him all night long she knows that he needs his rest. Burt and Carole agree to give them some time alone, they'll spend a couple of nights visiting Carole's parents in Toledo, on the condition that Finn calls immediately if anything happens. Once everyone says their tearful goodbyes and head for their respective destinations, she takes his hand and leads him into the living room.

"How are you feeling?" she says gently as they sit on the couch together. He doesn't answer her, not with words, instead he leans in and attacks her mouth with his, kissing her with all of the desperation and need inside of him. She doesn't protest, she wraps her arms around his shoulders and pulls him in closer, laying back on the couch and bringing him down with her, clinging to his mouth and stealing his breath the way she used to. As she kisses him her eyes water again, she doesn't try to stop the tears, she just kisses him, needing him so much that it scares her, needing all of him.

"Can you make love to me?" She says, finally coming up for air. "Will it hurt you?"

"Only the good way," he jokes, kissing her again and letting her remove his clothes one by one.

"Would the bed be better?" she sighs. "Would you be more comfortable?"

"Right here's perfect," he mumbles as he kisses her neck and unzips her dress. He looks at her face then and smiles a little. "Do you remember?"

"Of course I do," she says. "Our first time."

"It was right there," he says, fondly glancing at the floor. "God I was so nervous."

"And I was so in love with you," she replies. "That hasn't changed. It never will."

"It never will for me either," he says kissing her again, and she wants him so much, but she can't help but notice how tired he seems, how labored his breathing is, and she remembers how his heart hurt him the last time and it scares her, she wants him for as long as possible, even if it means he can never touch her like that again.

"Finn we don't have to, it's really okay," she mumbles into his mouth. "If you want we can just hold each other."

"I'm not dead yet Rach," he jokes. She remains silent at the joke and unwraps her arms from hm.

"That's not funny" she finally says darkly.

"Hey, I'm sorry okay," he says tilting her chin up so he can look her in the eyes. "I know you don't like thinking about it, and that's okay."

"It's not that it's just..."

"What?"

"Are you scared Finn, at all?"

"Do you want the truth?" he says, and she nods hesitantly.

And for the first time since seeing Finn again his face resembles that of a man facing his own mortality as tears gather in his eyes and his lip begins to quiver.

"I'm fucking terrified," he says brokenly. "Especially now. Because you're here, you know, you're finally here and I can't be with you."

"No Finn, shh," she says holding him closer. "I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to make you sad I just..."

"You're not making me anything, it's how I feel," he cries as he holds onto her for dear life. "I just didn't want you to know, I just wanted to be strong for you."

"It's okay to be scared sweetheart, I'm scared too. It doesn't make you weak, you're the strongest person I know and I love you so much," she cries, and he tenderly kisses away her tears and she kisses away his. "No matter what happens, I love you and I'm right here, always."

"I love you too, and I want this," he says. "It'll be okay, I promise."

They kiss again as husband and wife, two halves of one whole, and as they begin to make love slowly they once again inhabit their perfect, safe world together. They'll find themselves there again one day, after they've both past from this world to the next, she believes it with every part of her.

* * *

><p><strong>Six years Later<strong>

"Kurt!" she yells to the back room. "Kurt I have to go, are you coming?"

Finally he emerges from his room, perfectly coiffed and dressed as always. "Would you calm down? The audition isn't for another two hours."

"Yes but since Blaine flaked on me I have to pick Lexy up from school and drop her off at Kung Fu myself."

"He didn't flake on you, he has a job," Kurt says. "Besides, I offered to take Lexy."

"And miss your chance to show the director your portfolio? I think not. A little bird told me that his costume designer's regular assistant got a job with Vogue, this could be your break."

"And leave Bloomingdale's? What ever will they do without their number one whipping boy?" He jokes, tucking his portfolio under one arm and linking the other with Rachel's.

"You have no idea how badly I want this role, I can practically taste it," Rachel says dramatically as they make their way down the city sidewalk.

"Rachel you've worked with this director three times, the only reason he didn't give you the role on a silver platter is because your crazy ass insists on auditioning for every part."

"I do things the proper way," She says. "I'm a professional Kurt."

"You're a loon," he shoots back, "Don't get me wrong I love you for it but there's a reason you never go on dates."

"I'm a single, working mother Kurt," she reasons.

"Yes, and Lexy needs a father."

"First of all, that's incredibly sexist, second she has three wonderful fathers."

"She has one wonderful father, god rest his soul, and two wonderful uncles," he corrects. "And you know that Finn would want you to move on sweetie," he continues squeezing her arm a little.

"I know," she says sadly. "And I will, it's just I happen to be very..."

"Into your work right now? Emotionally unavailable? Some other cliche?"

"Alright you've made your mean point," She says.

"I'm just saying, look at my father, he lost the love of his life too, so did Finn's mom and they managed to find happiness with each other, you deserve to have that kind of happiness again."

"Well... there is this one guy that's sort of sweet," she says. "He's asked me out a few times."

"Ooh, do tell," Kurt says a bit excitedly.

"Well, he's Lexy's teacher b-

"Hold up, a kindergarten teacher?" Kurt says judgmentally.

"What's wrong with that?"

"Well it's not exactly the highest paying Job."

"Finn was a teacher," she says, shrugging. "It's a perfectly respectable career."

"He's also a kindergarten teacher, not exactly manly."

"Says the guy who looks at dresses all day for a living."

"Yes and I'm as gay as the day is long."

"Well, Patrick's not gay if that's what you're wondering, and you're the one who keeps telling me to move on and the second I show some interest in doing just that you take issue with it."

"Yes, I am a complicated man."

They enter the schoolhouse a few minutes later, the place is abuzz with the chatter and laughter of small children coming from every room as usual, and a small smile reaches her lips as she reaches her Lexy's classroom

"Sing it with me kids!" The tall auburn haired man at the front of the class cries as he strums his guitar

_3 times 10 is..._ he starts as he plays his guitar.

_30!_ the kids sing enthusiastically

_3 times 9 is..._  
><em>27<em>  
><em>3 times 8 is...<em>  
><em>24<em>  
><em>3 times 7 is...<em>  
><em>21<em>  
><em>3 times 6 is...<em>  
><em>18<em>  
><em>3 times 5 is...<em>  
><em>15<em>  
><em>3 times 4 is...<em>  
><em>12<em>  
><em>and 3 times 3 is...<em>  
><em>9<em>  
><em>and 3 times 2 is...<em>  
><em>6<em>  
><em>and 3 times 1<em>  
><em>What is it?<em>  
><em> Three!<em>  
><em> Yeah, That's a magic number.<em>

As the bell rings and they finish their singalong Rachel claps, stepping aside to let the kids peel out of the room.

"Mommy!" A skinny, freckled five year old with a mop of thick brown hair cries as she jumped into Rachel's arms.

"Why hello my little Lexykins," Rachel says kissing the little girls cheek.

"Hi uncle Kurt," she says turning to Kurt.

"Hello Alexis my love," Kurt replies.

"Did you see me play the bongo?" she continues to them both.

"I did, you were just wonderful," Rachel says.

"Yup, you're a regular Niel Peart Lex," the redhead teacher says as he walks up to them.

"Who's Niel Peart?" Kurt says.

"From Rush," Patrick, Lexy and Rachel answer simultaneously.

"Mommy, when can I get a real drum set?" Lexy asks.

"Not until Christmas baby, remember, mommy needs to get your room soundproofed first," Rachel answers.

"The Kung Fu, the rock music, whatever happened to ballet and piano lessons?" Kurt says.

"Ballet sucks," Lexy says, pouting.

"Hey, I did ballet when I was your age," Rachel says, feigning offense.

"I didn't say it sucked for you," the whip-smart five year old clarifies.

"Yeah yeah," Rachel says, rolling her eyes. "Why don't you go with Uncle Kurt, I wanted to talk to Patrick for a second."

"Okay," Lexy says jumping out of Rachel's arms and grabbing Kurt's hand. "Come on Uncle Kurt I wanted to show you my drawing, they put it on the bulletin board," she continues dragging Kurt behind her.

"So, I enjoyed your song," Rachel says once Kurt and Lexy are out of earshot.

"Well I play Carnegie hall on the fifth, I can get you tickets," Patrick jokes.

"Make sure to get an extra one for Lexy, she really likes you," Rachel says, "She talks about you all the time."

"I happen to like her a lot too," he says sincerely. "Even though she does make a lot more jokes about eye gouging than I'm comfortable with."

Rachel chuckles affectionately, knowing all too well what he means. "Well ever since she saw_ Enter the Dragon_ she's been on a bit of a martial arts kick, I signed her up for lessons because I thought the dose of reality would scare her into a more acceptable activity, that was almost a year ago, she's a purple belt now, I'm starting to think I went about that the wrong way."

"I wouldn't worry about her too much, she's pretty great," he says. "But then again she's have to be with you for a mother."

She looks down at her feet and smiles nervously. "Listen Patrick, I have something to say."

"You're not interested, it's okay, I get it." he says understandingly.

"It's not you," Rachel says. "It's just... I'm still in love with my husband, and I probably always will be, and any man I have a relationship with is going to have to be okay with that... do you think you can you be okay with that?"

"All I'm asking is to spend a little time with you when I'm not covered in finger paint," Patrick says shrugging.

"How about this," Rachel says brightly. "I have an audition at four, when I get the part I'll get you a ticket for opening night and we can go out for coffee afterwards."

"I love how you say when and not if. Anyway, that sounds great," he says. "You'd never know it but I'm kind of a Broadway whore."

"Can you say whore in a kindergarten class?" Rachel says, knitting her brow.

"Only if it's not directed at a small child, I learned my lesson the first three times." He jokes.

"Mommy! Lets go, if I'm late for master Shin I'll dishoner my whole family," Lexy says, grabbing Rachel's hand. "Bye Patrick!" She continues as they head out the door.

"So, he seems nice," Kurt says as they continue to their next destination. "I mean he's still a kindergarten teacher... and a ginger."

"Are you talking about Patrick?" Lexy says as she swings Kurt and Rachel's hands back and forth.

"You're supposed to call him Mr. Hayes baby," Rachel says.

"But you call him Patrick," Lexy shoots back.

"That's because we're the same age," Rachel explains. "It's okay for me to call him by his first name."

"I like Patrick," Lexy says, ignoring Rachel's attempt to correct her. "He's not as handsome as daddy was though."

"Not a lot of men are, I'd say he's still pretty handsome all things considered," Rachel says, shrugging. "What's bringing this on anyway?"

"Well, you like him right?" Lexy says.

She smiles and glances over at Kurt, who gives her an approving nod.

"Sure," Rachel says. "Of course I like him."

* * *

><p>She flips through the script as she waits to be called, playing with her ring as she does. She keeps it on a necklace now, she has for the past year, it's the closest she'll ever get to taking it off, although sometimes when she's feeling alone she puts it back on her finger, just because she likes the way it feels. She knows all of the lines by heart, but she's nothing if not thorough, and having something to read makes the time go by faster.<p>

"Rachel Berry," She looks up at the source of the voice, barely able to hold back her surprise at the sight of him. Once_ Rent_ moved to the west end he went with it, hoping a change of scenery would do him some good after the break up, it seemed to work, he looked good, free of bitterness or hostility. She always wondered how she would feel if she ever saw Jesse St. James again, if she would feel guilty, or embarrassed, but looking at her ex now all she can do is smile warmly.

"Jesse, oh my god," she says, getting up to hug him. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm auditioning," he says. "Like yourself."

"So, how are you?" She says as they sit back down together. "When did you get back from England?"

"Actually I'm not back from England, after my run on the West End I spent some time in Chicago," he says. "That's actually where I met my wife."

"Really, oh my god congratulations," She says. "Is she an actress too?"

"Well no, she's a cop," he says sheepishly. "Who would have thought, right?"

"Well I'm happy for you Jesse," she says sincerely.

"What about you, did you ever settle down?"

"Um yes, I did actually."

"Let me guess, Finn Hudson?" He deduces.

"You guess correctly," she says a bit sadly.

"How is he anyway?"

She swallows hard, it still hurts to think about it, even with all of the time that has passed. "He, um... passed away. Six years ago," she finally says.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry," Jesse says. "Do you mind me asking how it happened?"

"He was very sick, for a long time," she says.

"Wait a minute," he says darkly, understanding. "You knew, that day you called me," he continues, saying it as a statement rather than a question.

"I did," she answers.

"Why didn't you say anything, I would have understood Rachel."

"Because it wouldn't have made a difference," Rachel says. "I didn't marry Finn because he was sick. It was just always him, from the first moment I saw him."

"I'm sorry you lost him," Jesse says sympathetically.

"Yeah, I am too," She says.

"So, who's the kid," he continues, changing the subject. She looks down to where he's glancing, it's the keychain hanging from Rachel's purse, on it a picture of her, Kurt, Blaine and Lexy at one of Lexy's matches from last year, Rachel is holding a smiling Lexy and Kurt and Blaine are holding up her trophy above them, it's one of Rachel's favorite pictures of the four of them.

"My daughter," Rachel says proudly. "Her name is Alexis."

"Wait a minute," he says, panicked, pointing to himself. "She's not..."

"No, no," Rachel says. "Don't worry yourself with that one."

He breathes a sigh of relief. "Well, the freckles should have been a tipoff. Did Finn know, before he died I mean," Jesse says.

"No, I didn't find out I was pregnant until about a month after he died," She says. "I think somehow it was better that way, I wouldn't have wanted him to go out of this world knowing about one more thing he was going to miss out on."

"Well, she's really beautiful Rachel, I'm happy for you too," Jesse says. "But that must be tough, raising her on your own."

"Well, I'm not alone, I have Kurt and Blaine," She says. "They moved here to help when I found out I was pregnant, they wouldn't take no for an answer. I don't know how I would have made it without them, I was so broken after what happened sometimes I would would just cry in my room for hours at a time. But they brought me back, them and Lexy. Somehow through it all we became a family."

"Jesse St. James," They both look up at the casting assistant, calling Jesse's name.

"That's me," Jesse says, getting up, "But we should talk, how about coffee after the audition? We can catch up."

"I'd love to, I'm sure Kurt wouldn't mind picking up Lexy from Kung Fu."

"Kung Fu, huh? Yeah she's definitely Finn's," Jesse says. "I'll see you after."

"Good luck."

"You too Rachel."

She smiles and looks back down at her script, her hand once again going to the wedding ring hanging around her neck.

"This is it Finn," She says quietly. "When you hear me sing up there, remember, every note is for you."

**Dear lord that was a helluva lot harder than I thought it was going to be, I actually cried a lot while writing this and I never cry at anything that isn't happening directly to me or people I know. But take comfort in the fact that Finn will be alive and well in my next story and will absolutely stay that way, because I really don't think I could take killing him in a story again. And yes, I was planning to give Finn and Rachel a daughter the whole time, so kudos to those who guessed that. Anyway, stay tuned for the epilogue folks!**


	9. Epilogue

**A/N: I just finished cooking a massive Christmas dinner for my family, so now I'm taking some much needed sitting time and posting my gift to you, the epilogue of my fic. Also, I know some of you were wondering why I decided not to include a death scene for Finn, and although most of you seemed to appreciate that, I thought I'd explain my reasoning. Simply put, I didn't think it was entirely necessary. We all knew what was coming, and I thought it would be better for Finn and Rachel's last scene in the story to end on a somewhat happy note, I've written so many emotional crying scenes in this story that I thought another one would be kind of overkill, but anyway this is the end my friends, I'd like to wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kwazy Kwanzaa, a tip top Tết, and a Solemn Dignified Ramadan. Enjoy!**

Christmas in Lima is something of a mixed blessing. Almost seven years later it still hurts to celebrate in her and Finn's old home town without him, and Lexy loves the holidays in the city so much that a certain amount of pouting is always to be expected upon boarding the plane, but once they get there, once they've recieved crushing hugs from Burt and Carole and Leroy and Hiram and a heaping mug of hot chocolate upon their greeting, skating at Rockefeller center begins to pale in comparison. It helps that the snow is actually clean enough for Lexy to play in, but the best part of it all are the stars. It's so hard to see the stars anywhere in the city, sometimes she has to drive out to Westchester just to spot him in the sky, a drive well worth taking, but in Lima it only takes a short stroll in the backyard. It's knocking on seven and Rachel knows that she has to bring Lexy in from the cold, but Lexy loves the stars, if it weren't for the threat of pneumonia she'd be out there all night.

"Rachel honey, _Love, Actually_ is coming on, and it's on ABC Family so they cut out all the stuff you'd have to explain to Lexy later." Carole says, meeting Rachel in the kitchen with a cup of brandied eggnog in hand.

"Kurt and Blaine corrupted my daughter a long time ago Carole, the less said about the _American Pop_ incident of 2021 the better," Rachel says, taking a break from blowing on her soy cocoa.

"Even still, bring her in so she can watch with us. She's going to freeze out there."

"I suppose you're right," Rachel says, getting up from her stool and heading to the backyard, where sure enough her little Lexy is sprawled out on the glowing white snow, Rachel can tell that she's been making snow angels, there's also a miniature igloo and a snow sculpture in the shape of a bear, and Rachel wonders silently if Lexy was an eskimo in a previous life.

"Time to come inside my little snow Angel," Rachel says brightly as she hovers over her rosy cheeked daughter.

"Do I have to?" Lexy grumbles.

"Yes, before you freeze to the ground and we have to chip you out of it," Rachel says.

"Okay, but can you tell me the story first? About the star?"

Rachel pauses and looks up at the sky, and sure enough he's up there among the cluster of glowing stars, she can always see him so clearly around this time of year, even without a telescope. A smile reaches her lips at the sight of it, and she continues to look up as she takes a seat in the snow next to Lexy.

"It was Christmas, 2011 and me and your daddy were deeply, deeply in love," Rachel starts, she's told this story so many times she knows every word by heart. "We were so in love that it was easy for him to sometimes overlook the fact that I could be a bit of a pain."

"You were greedy huh mommy?" Lexy says.

"Well, just a little," Rachel says sheepishly. "But what can I say, I was a young and silly girl. But your father was very sweet, he wanted nothing more than to make me happy, even when I didn't deserve it. That Christmas he gave me a pig named Barbra, and a beautiful pair of diamond earrings and best of all, that star you're looking at right now."

"What did he say when he gave you the star?" Lexy asks.

"You certainly must know."

"I do, but I like when you say it."

"I asked him if he named the star after me, as was the custom," Rachel recalls. "And he said, 'I named it Finn Hudson. Because there's already a star named Rachel Berry. And she's right here on earth and she's brighter than any of those stars up there. So I just wanted to make sure that whenever she feels lonely, she can look up in the sky, and no matter where I am, she can know that I'm looking down on her.'"

"What else mommy?"

"Now he's looking down on you too sweetheart," Rachel says, squeezing the small child's hand. "And he always will be."

"When it's nighttime though, right mommy?"

"Well, that's what he said, but what do we know about stars?"

"They're always there, even when we can't see them. Just like Daddy."

"That's right, just like Daddy."

"Will you two get your butts in here?" Burt cries teasingly from inside the house. "Kurt's not going to keep it paused much longer and the sooner we get this movie over with the sooner I can watch _Die Hard_."

"Okay baby girl," Rachel says getting up from the snow and taking her daughter by the hand. "Let's go inside, I'll make you some cocoa.

"Okay," Lexy says brightly, following behind her mother. "Wait, one more thing," she continues, letting go of Rachel's hand.

"What's that baby?" Rachel says softly, and at that the girl looks up into the sky again and smiles a small smile, illuminated by the moon and stars.

"Merry Christmas Daddy," Lexy whispers up at him, bringing a smile to Rachel's lips, and she takes her mother's hand again to join their family in the warm house.

**That's All Folks!**


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